Friendship and loyalties......how deep should they run? I've always had a problem with this regarding both friends and family members. So quick to go to bat for someone dear to me. Always too quick to stop and think first. I just jump right in, defending, supporting, protecting. I figure if I care about someone, then I should put my 'outspoken' self to good use when I think they are being abused or attacked or otherwise mis-used by someone. A person should really think it over before getting out their "Poison Pen" {or, these days, their "Poison Keyboard" LOL} Because, when the dust settles, just who do you think it is that ends up getting screwed without a kiss, and left wondering........
The first time that I got out my Poison Pen was at least 35 years ago. My Mom and my Great-Aunt Ethel got into it over something. God only knows what, because I can't remember to save my life! But Aunt Ethel was really, really good at stirring things up. The more hurtful and hateful, the better. I just remember that she had my Mom SOOOOO upset, that my Dad was about to step in and give Aunt Ethel a piece of his mind (which was totally not my Dad's typical scenario). So.....I decided to take Poison Pen in hand and I wrote her a letter that would have scorched the Devil himself. When I got done verbally butchering her for the issue at hand, I tossed in few more of her devilish antics for good measure. End result? She and Mom made amends, actually because of some of the things I pointed out in my letter. But Aunt Ethel would have nothing to do with ME til the day she died, several years later.
I really think that was the only family member involved but it has happened numerous times thru the years and my loyalties usually leave me with being the bad guy. Odd man out. Go figure.
One of the worst cases was actually a little different scenario. In an attempt to aid an 'acquaintance' and offset a potentially dangerous situation, myself and a dear friend jumped in right up to our ears. Round and round it went. Tons of people involved, twisting and turning and dredging until the original 'cause' was lost in the shuffle and in the very end, friend and I were hung out to dry. Eventually and ultimately by the 'acquaintance'! WTF to the max! Epic Fail..........
Another time, I apparently looked at a long time buddy (with whom I had much in common) cross-eyed one day and she literally tore me a new a$$-hole on the world wide web! I have never been so humiliated, had such vile, hateful things said about me in my life! And such lies. That was the worst part. I'm so not perfect. In fact, much less so than most people, but really........Okay, so I look back on that and, obviously, realize that this person was never a friend and a thing like that can make you start to look around you. If you were me, would you feel 'set adrift' if close friends commiserated with you, but went on to continue their relationship with this 'buddy'. Would you feel hurt to see them together? Would you think that maybe they believed all the BS and doubted you? How would you feel? If the shoe was on the other foot, I am the sort of friend that would tend to back away from the buddy for having been so cruel and unjust to my friend. Probably gotten out my "Poison Keyboard" and made it worse. But that's just me. How deeply should the loyalties of friendship go?
I am quick to anger and quicker to hurt, which is a very bad combination, indeed. I am also quick to trust, but I'm learning. I need people in my life that I can feel good about and trust with anything and that I know I can count on.....always. And I have that in my wonderful little family. I am ever so blessed to have Terri & Mike and all of my wonderful grand-babies! Without them, life is bursting with insecurities and uncertainty. I DO have a lot of amazing friends out there, but I am learning that it is a rare, rare friendship that will ever be unblemished. I am learning never to expect that of others. It's just not the fair or right thing to do. But my family???? They better toe the line!! LMAO
*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Yankee Chick~ Tales of a Yankee Lost in the Ozarks ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
I can so relate in so many many many ways. I am just happy that indeed I have learned to ask questions first before whipping out my dangerous pen. xoxoxo
ReplyDelete@Just Words On A Page
ReplyDeleteWe've both had some interesting encounters, my dear! ♥♥
Kind of off the subject, but I just read your bio again and I'm so interested in how you and Popeye have the same afflctions, sort of. He has degenerative disc disease that he should have had surgery for years ago and now, because of the accident, he has pins in his hip but will have to have the whole thing replaced in two years. I'll tell him how well you are doing - maybe that will cheer him up.
ReplyDelete@spunfull
ReplyDeleteOh, yes. My back was a combination of Degenerative Disc Disease and Spondylolisthesis, but the DDD was the reason for the 4 tier spinal fusion. Bone on bone there, too. I think I can understand that they have to pin his hip so it can all heal good before they do the replacement. I just hope the 2 year wait won't be too painful for him, especially with his back issues. Is it his lower back (mine was Lumbar) or upper back? With me the hip issues and back issues just compounded everything, each causing further damage and more pain to the other. Such a vicious circle to finally have almost fixed! I hope he doesn't have too much difficulty. But, yes, by all means tell him to just be patient and in the end it will be so much better!
Great post! Oh, Aunt Ethel... What a trip she was.
ReplyDeleteGuess what?! It's scrimmage night! It looks so fun skating in the wide outdoors! I wish I could skate tonight. I wish YOU were here!!
Well written Mama Moan. Your FB fiends are blessed to have you!!
ReplyDeleteDirty Sam Whiskey
I too have spun around and spat upon and reviled for trying to do the right thing. I will admit that I am bit more gun-shy now and less willing to jump into the fray. The older I get, the slower I am to respond with anger or outrage. Maybe it's a DNA thing or maybe it's a result of too much experience. I know that a true test of friendship requires the cardinal rule of never judging the other person. It's hard, but it's the only path that works.
ReplyDeleteGod, I should proof-read better. I meant to say "have been spun around and spat upon." People have also stopped communicating with me for no apparent reason. Just POOF and they are gone. I'm learning to not let that bother me anymore.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for coming by and for your lovely comment.
ReplyDeleteAs to this post....I have had very little of these kinds of things happen on all my years---of course there have been a few, but....I have found that I tend to want to surround myself with loving people only...And it is reciprocal....So, the "dramas' that you describe rarely happen, Thank God. I think what is important is to try to respect the differences and not personalize them....Allow each person to ne 'themselves' and they usually do the same....But all this is general. Bottom line, choosing friends who are loving and caring and accepting and to whom you can be the same with them and to them. Life is hard enough without the "poisen pen" rearing it's ugly head....Maybe write out all this stuff and then BURN IT! That way, you get it out, but you don't put it on the other person.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteSam, I was really expecting a word regarding the deployment of the Dukes Tactical Defense Team (that's right...right?) LOL
@Poolie
ReplyDeleteJudging others has never been my "cup of tea". But I sure do find myself "wondering" about the actions of others...a lot. Which brought about my reason for this post regarding loyalties but no one really has commented on that. Maybe it's a far touchier subject than I thought. And then I think all friendships have different 'levels'. But I shudder to think that I have to give up a part of myself so that I can (attempt to) please everyone. Some days, it's just not that easy :-P.
And as for the POOF thing, I have experienced that, as well. It's a mystery, often times, but you're right. Can't let it bother us. Just be glad that they left with a "poof" rather than a "flame". LMAO ♥
@OldOldLady Of The Hills
ReplyDeleteOh, Naomi, I am SO glad you came over to my blog and left a comment! Thank YOU!
I can see from your blog that you are, indeed, surrounded by loving people and I can see where your life style and experiences would result in that. This post probably doesn't reflect it, but it is important to me to respect the differences in people. One of my closest and dearest friends is a person with whom I have very little in common. In most relationships they are serious enough differences that it would be cause to end the relationship. But we can so easily put all that aside and still have a delightful time together! It's the reciprocal caring and acceptance and the ability to greatly amuse each other that is the solid core to our friendship.
Anyway, I agree with the "writing and burning" theory. I did that when my Mother passed away, as an aid to deal with my grief and it really helped a lot. I never thought to do it when my "poison pen" hand gets itchy. Thanks for that idea!
Thanks so very much for your visit and your input! How nice that I found a sweet new blogger that is already a good influence on me. ♥
@Marilyn MakeUMoan Roe
ReplyDeleteI love all practices, but scrimmage nights totally rock! I hate, hate, hate missing out!! I can imagine that you're just dying to skate, Love, but be patient and wait til your grafts are finished 'cooking'. Thanks for all the great pics! ♥
First off, thank you for stopping by TNS and commenting. Good to meet another Arkansan. Hot enough for you?
ReplyDeleteI am pretty much a pacifist and if there is a rift between family or friends, I try to sit everyone down. I do tend to see both sides and am really slow to boil. I think that could be called wishy washy. We work with what we've got:))
Don't know what happened at the end of my comment....??? Must have been one of those venom spitters!
ReplyDelete@Marilyn MakeUMoan Roe
ReplyDeleteOH MY GOSH YOU HAVE GOT TO START WRITING AGAIN! I MISS YOUR POSTS!! xoxoxo Marna