MY GIRL'S ARE LOOKIN' GOOD!

Well, here's a "Horse Post" for a change.  It's been all about Murphy for awhile and no talk about my girls.  So unfair!  Chuck had some trouble with his van yesterday and we had to drop it off at the shop.  When I picked him up and brought him home, he decided to let Dixie into the outer pasture to play with her Mama, Susie.

If you recall, Dixie has Laminitis in her hooves and the poor thing has been 'quarantined' in the barn yard, on a diet of only hay and water {and her morning carrots} since July.  Partly so her hooves could heal and partly so she could lose a few hundred pounds.  We figure she's lost about 200-250 lbs and she sure is looking good!

I showed this picture to Chuck and he said that Susie was "giving me the tail"! How funny!! LOL

The did have a great time running and playing and I got a few more shots of them with my trusty iPhone before I headed to town.

 It's actually quite nice to have some pictures of them with the barn and OUR house in the background!  Usually I'm snapping shots from the yard near the house and our neighbor's house/trailers/dead vehicles, etc are the backdrop.  Ewww.  This is much better :)

It doesn't look like Chuck's X-Mas gift is going to make it in time for the big day and I'll have to wrap a picture of it for him, instead.  He won't mind, but I'd rather have it get here in time.  Mayhaps it will.  I ordered him a horse weathervane for the barn and he'll love it!   Anything to do with the horses and he's good to go. I used to dazzle him with new tools or guns, but at this age...he's pretty much got everything in those departments!  As for ME, there are no strange gifts under the tree with my name on them, but I do know that he and Deb have had their heads together a couple times the past couple weeks.  Although she and I have never had a "what do you want for X-Mas conversation", it'll be interesting to see what they came up with.  Hee hee.  We're giving Deb {Casino} money and getting her lovable Redneck Hubby a carton of smokes and a case of beer.  Neither one of them would like anything better! 

And we are also giving them a night off, so to speak.  Their boys (grandsons that they are raising) Corbin and Noah are going to spend the night with us tomorrow night.  Corbin (9) is looking forward to baking X-Mas cookies with me and Noah just wants to "hang out" with Chuckie (as the 5 year old calls him :) ) and watch westerns.  It'll be interesting.  I adore them both and Corbin often comes down to help me do stuff or to just hang out.....just the 2 of us.  He thrives on the one on one time and the attention.  Poor Deb works long hours and their time is limited.  HOWEVER....when the 2 of them are together, they are a force to reckon with, so I repeat.  It will be interesting......sigh......

This and That

I want to write an entry, but I have no fodder!  Nothing exciting to write about.  I've had this Blog Funk going for so long!  I hate it.  My brain is 'dead'.  I could write about............

How I ran 3 stop signs when I was driving Deb and I to the casino in Oklahoma on Thursday night.  {brain dead?  yeah!}

How I need to teach Murphy to not walk across my keyboard and rub her whiskers on my mouse!

How I should be baking Christmas cookies and making fudge and peanut brittle {because my body really needs the calories!}

How I should be sewing and embroidering and knitting more.

How it's 39 degrees here and 31 below in North Pole and I would rather be there with my Terri and my kiddos.

OR, I know!!  I haven't told you the exciting news that the knuckle on my ring finger on my right hand has had MAJOR arthritis set in and my knuckle is now so HUGE that my 100 plus rings that I have in my 'original' ring size of 9 won't fit and they all need to be resized to size 11 to either fit that damn finger or to be worn on my middle finger!  Now THAT really hacks me off.  I happened so quickly, too.  Just weird.  I went to the Doc because I thought it might be {just possibly} something else.  A cyst or an alien baby or something growing in my knuckle.  No such luck.  And so, I am left with a jewelry box FULL of rings that I can no longer wear!  It makes me sick.  I love jewelry, especially rings and they are all gold and sterling and gemstone....not costume jewelry mind you.  Some of them can't be resized that much because of the settings of the stones.  We just decided to start with my favorites and do them one at a time.  Yesterday I took my favorite Sterling and Turquoise ring to a local jeweler and it will be about $100 to resize it.  But it's special Turquoise and a beautiful setting.  About a $300 ring that I paid about $150 for, so it's worth it to me. The Turquoise is what they call "spider web" and has gold flecks in it and dark lines.  Just gorgeous, with flowers on the shank.  Ah, well.  It's a start

I had thought once of having my wedding ring resized and wearing it on my right hand, leaving my left hand free to wear all of my other rings, but that idea didn't go over so well with the Hubs.  sigh.  It would save alot of $$, IMHO, but ........


Well, I'm off to see what trouble I can get into in the kitchen.  I think I'll start with fudge!!  Yum!!

SUPER MURPHY!

I am here to tell you that my new kitty is amazing!  Getting through this holiday season will be a breeze, with her around.  I mean....check it out....

 She kept an eye on me at the computer and supervised the making of a bunch of Christmas cards.

 She helped decorate the tree.

 She LOVES to help with the dishes!

 And she was a huge help with sending out the Christmas cards!!

I simply can not believe that I was ready to take her back!  I guess she tuned in to my frustration and decided to pitch in and make up for all the biting and terrorizing.  Quite honestly, I still think she has an invisible friend that she tears around the house with, but I'm cool with that.

As for the tree, she has only broken 2 ornaments.  The 1st one was no big deal.  The second one was from a set of 4 that I had bought for our 1st Christmas tree, at Bresee's Department Store about 100 years ago.  But, hey....it's only an ornament.  Besides, the really treasured ones that were my Mom's from her and Dad's early days are safely at the top of the tree!

Hubs has not made the Holiday Season nearly as pleasant as Murphy has!  He has been cranky to the max.  Part of his crankiness is due to the amount of $$ I spend on Christmas gifts.  But there are 10 grandkids!  {Our lovely 5 in Alaska that you always hear about and the 5 resulting from his 1st marriage that I rarely speak about because there just isn't that much interaction}.  Anyway, even tho' I have cut down considerably the past couple of years, it's still a reason for him to be pi$$y.  And yet!  He wants to make sure they have what they want, etc.  He just has no clue as to what things cost, unless it's sold at Lowe's or the lumber company.  Hee hee.  

Needless to say, since he's been on my case about the fact that I am out of $$ and need some, I have YET to scream at him that I spent my last $200 on a gift for HIM!!  And I have to wait 10 more days until I get the satisfaction of him feeling like a total jerk.  Damn.  But if he gets much worse, I just might take it back.  Buwahahahaha.

PROGRESS IS BEING MADE

She is still spazzy and she is still investigating EVERYthing.....again and again.  She is coming around tho', a little bit at a time.  I've been working with her and trying to "train" her to come when called and also to let me hold her longer and pet her without launching an attack on my hand.  I keep her favorite treats nearby and the only time I give her one is when she responds 'properly' :).  Seems to be working.

Chuck picked up a Christmas tree yesterday and when we were setting it up last night, she had what was her first {and hopefully last} adventure with the tree.  Chuck got it all anchored in the base while I was holding it, then he stood up to hold it while I stepped away to make sure it was straight.  Up she went, quick as a flash!  Right up the trunk and inner branches, while Chuck was holding it!!  Well, he shook the hell outta that tree and she flew out of there and ran upstairs like a shot!  Hopefully that did the trick and she'll stay out of it.  Only time will  tell.  It's a very heavy and dense, thick branches tree with a big trunk.  I don't think she'll be tipping it over, so I won't worry about that.  I just put the lights on it a few minutes ago and she is quite fascinated by the twinkling.  It might behoove me to turn the twinkle off, but I sure hate to.  My lights MUST twinkle, damn it!!

It's been kinda nice this year, to feel up to going out and about and do some Christmas shopping.  I did manage to screw it up, tho'.  I went on Thursday and got several things accomplished, then went to the Casino with Deb Thursday PM.  Went out on Friday to finish up my shopping and even after all the activity of the day before, by Friday PM I was still doing good and my back wasn't bothering me!  Saturday I thought of a few more things and off I went, but before I was finished.....bam!  My back started hurting sooo bad.  But I did manage to finish my last stop before I had to head home.   Still pretty bad today, but I am trying to decorate.  Chuck and I got all our goodies out last night and he went off to work for a few hours today and I'm supposed to be decorating.  I got the lights on the tree so far and that's it.  I better get cracking and get some more stuff on the tree, at least, before he gets home!  Oh, crap!  Here he comes now.........see ya!

Murphy is a Terrorist!

This beautiful little girl kitty i brought home to 'Save' will be the death of me!! She is a terrorist kitty, from the butt crack of dawn to lights out time. THAT is one thing for which I am very thankful. She's quiet at night. We all sleep well.

Actually, she is quiet during the day......but totally full of some sort of 'energy' that has her quite literally climbing the walls; sniffing, biting and licking EVERYthing in her path (and out of her path). The only time, during the day, that she is not on the go at top turbo speed, is when she is by one of the sliding glass doors watching leaves blow by or birds at the feeders. And that only lasts for about 10-15 minutes at a time.

Now that she is 'settled in' and 'used to us', there is no picking up or holding allowed. She will flip over and bite me while applying the use of all claws on all paws! My hands are mincemeat.....and my nose has a bit of a scab on it :(. She acts like she is eating an endless supply of catnip, but it's all hidden away and she sure as hell isn't gonna get any. You can't play with her. She won't interact with us or any of her toys, and believe me...I've tried everything I can think of.

I've been doing a lot of research, as is my habit with all things that cross my path or my mind, and I am convinced that she is/was a Feral cat. If that be the case, we can be pretty sure that she will never change. She is constantly on alert and full of nervous energy. Sometimes while I am sitting at the computer, she will come and lay at my feet. Very sweet...but if I reach down to pet her, she attacks my hand and bolts! And, no, I'm not scaring her. She sees my hand coming and I am talking to her the whole time.

Luckily, she has not been destructive. Nothing has been broken or shredded....yet. She is just incredibly hyper and very unfriendly. Not at ALL what I had in mind for a cat. Chuck says to give her time. We shall see what he says after we put up our Christmas tree that I am afraid to put up, but he insists that we must! Let's see how much time he wants to give her after the tree comes down and half of my 'family heirloom' ornaments are broken. Sigh.........

I have been trying to work on calming her, by keeping her favorite treats nearby and if she lets me pick her up and hold her for 5 seconds (heh) and pet her a bit, I try to give her a treat before she 'attacks'. Today she got 3 treats out of 6 attempts. I imagine that another cat may help, but I seriously doubt Chuck would ever go for having 2 cats. I'm really not sure how this will play out. She just might become.....a Barn Cat!

Wow, I just realized that it has been forever since my last post! I totally missed Thanksgiving and posting about sweet Emily's birthday! She turned 12 on the 27th and is so incredibly grown up!

 Here she is with her Hufflepuff scarf that she wanted ever so badly and I happily obliged :).  Xander is so cute peering over her shoulder!

Well, I'm off to start writing X-Mas cards.  Need to get some gifts wrapped and in the mail, too.  Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..............

Introducing Murphy

Since bringing Murphy home on Friday afternoon, she has spent most of her time on the top bunk of the bunk beds in one of our spare bedrooms.  Saturday AM we could not find her anywhere!  We both searched for a couple of hours and every place you can imagine!  And I mean, EVERY place!  I'm sure she was hiding right in front of us and laughing as we walked by a bazillion times.  About 9:00 Chuck and Gus left for work.  At 10:00 or so, I heard the jingle of her collar and was so pleased to finally see her make an appearance!  We spent about 1/2 an hour playing and having kitty treats and then she needed a nap, of course.

Later in the day, Chuck & I both went up to visit her and give her some treats.  I attempted to take some pictures of her, but I didn't get very good ones.  I will share them here, however, so y'all can get an idea of what this new kitty is all about.

This 1st one I am posting so you can see how long her tail is. I haven't measured it yet, but Chuck figures it's about 16" long, but I'm going for 18"! I have never seen a cat with such a long tail! Hee hee.

This one isn't a great shot, but I'm posting it cuz it shows the cool markings on the top of her pretty leedle head. Chuck was about to give her some treats.

And this last one? Yep....she knocked the treat off the bed and they're both looking for it. It does give you a good look at her pretty colors. From the picture I saw of her online, I thought she was gray, but gray she's not! She is what they call a Tabico color. Combination Tabby and Calico. Whatever it is, she sure is pretty!

Someone along the line thought that she was about 2 years old, but I'm guess that she is about a year old. She had a litter of kittens 2 months ago and since they come into heat their 1st time at 6 months of age, and their gestation period is approximately 65 days....I'm pretty sure she's only about a year old. She's still just a kitten herself! I haven't weighed her yet, but I'm thinking that she's only about 8 or 9 pounds. Very skinny, probably from recently nursing and sharing food at the foster home with several other cats. She has eaten a ton of food since she's been here! {all in secret, of course}

My other Maine Coon cat was about 10 months old when I got him and he certainly kept growing after that! He got up to about 18-20 lbs. Typically they average about 13-15 lbs. She also doesn't have her Maine Coon coat of hair yet. Their coat is shorter towards the front and longer down their backs and rear half. Of course, it is possible that she is mixed with something else and that she won't change much and that works for me, too! So far, she seems to be a keeper!!

Last night while we were watching TV she decided to honor us with her presence and explored every inch, nook and cranny of the living room! She would hop up and visit us during her investigation, but had no time for cuddles. Hopefully that will change once she gets used to this big ol' house. For right now, she is simply way too busy!

Kitty Visitation and Casinos

Well, this morning I get to go to Fayetteville and meet "Rosey", my potential new kitty!  If she and I hit it off, and if the foster mom approves of me, I may have a fun new friend this weekend!  WooHoo!!  I'm not sure exactly how this adoption thing works.  I'm meeting them at Petsmart and really don't know if I will be bringing her home with me or what.  I'll find out in a couple of hours! 

My friend, Deb, conned me into going to a Casino in Oklahoma last night to play.........are you ready for this????  Bingo.  yep.  Bingo.  I haven't played Bingo since I was 8 years old and used to go with my Great-Grandmother at the fire station on Friday nights.  Wow!!  Has the world of Bingo changed big time over the years!! I muddled through, with much help from Deb.  She LOVES to play, LOVES the slots and is usually very lucky at it.  She did win $200 at Bingo last night.  I did not win anything :(.  I did get a Player Club card from the Casino and since it was my 1st time there, it had $10 loaded on it.  I used that and got up to $18 on the slot machines, but then went thru that pretty quickly.  So I put in one dollar of my own money and won $29.  Played $2 of that and quit and cashed it in.  The Bingo pack was $27.50, so I broke even.  Not very exciting, let me tell ya.  Deb was disappointed because I didn't have a very good time {as in, win anything}, but it was cool.  She loves to go and used to go once a week, back when times were a bit better for them.  It's been a very long time since she has felt she could splurge and she wanted me to go so badly, that I couldn't refuse! 

Truthfully, I would have rather stayed home and watched Big Bang Theory, but don't tell her that!  LMAO

Kitty Rescue in the Works!

Meet Rosie.  She is a 2 year old Maine Coon cat that is in a foster home in Fayetteville.  The organization that rescued her, requires you to fill out a rather extensive application and submit it for their approval.  I think that's pretty cool.....unless I'm not approved, of course!  LOL  I should know later today.  Hopefully their information online is current and she is still available!  If not, I will continue the search as 'my kitty' is out there somewhere :)

I was hoping to find a male, but she looks so sweet!  I will be changing her name, if I get her!  Rosie simply won't do.....although it does seem to suit her, from her photo.  It's one of those things....like when we got Susie, our 1st horse.  Chuck's ex-wife is named Sue, so I was all about changing her name (yeah, after 42 years I still didn't want a horse named Sue!  LOL) but, heck, Susie was 16 years old at the time and who am I to up and change her name?  It does suit her, so she is still Susie.

My first Maine Coon cat was a male that I had rescued from the animal shelter in Fairbanks.  He was about 10 months old when I got him and he had been named Mittens.  I kept the name, but it always seemed silly.  He became this 20 lb totally macho, great hunter kitty and had such a wimpy name!  What an awesome cat he was tho'.  Great hunter by day and a great cuddle kitty by night.  And he was EVER so smart!  Chuck used to pick on him a lot and one day, Mittens  had finally had enough.  On this particular day, Chuck was outside doing yard work and happened to spot Mittens in one of my empty flower tubs.  He was digging away and had just honkered down to take a little kitty dump for himself, when Chuck snuck up behind him with a shovel and banged it down on the ground behind him!  Mittens flew off that flower pot like a shot!!  Chuck got such a big laugh out of that.  BUT......come bed time, Mittens and I were laughing louder.  I went in that night to get ready for bed and couldn't believe my eyes.  I called Chuck to come in the bedroom as there was a present for him.  What he found was a nice big pile of cat poop, right in the middle of HIS pillow!!!  Can you believe it?!?!?!  I literally rolled on the floor laughing!!  AND.....Chuck never messed with Mittens again.  Hee hee.

On another positive note for the day, my change in dosage on my meds is definitely a good thing!  What a difference in the way I feel and my attitude in general.  Now if I could just do something about the back and leg pain.  At least it seems to be "only" nerves and muscles and rarely as bad as it was pre-surgery, but at least once or twice a week I would KILL for a Vicodin!  Oh, well.  I must simply deal with it and smile, damn it!  Weeeeeeeeeee...........

Cleaning Up My Act

So did I tell you that my good friend {and neighbor}, Deb, came and helped me clean my house?  A couple of weeks ago, this amazing lady came by every afternoon at 4:00 after working all day, and worked for about 3 hours a night for 3 nights.  My house looks amazing.  She has been offering to help me since before my surgery and I always declined.  Chuck offered to hire her to do some of the heavy and difficult stuff for me and I told him that, no way was I gonna have my friend clean my house. {As a side note, she works for Chuck cleaning houses that he remodels and repairs for a local bank after they have to repo them}

Anyway, since we have all tile and hardwood floors thru the whole house, it requires sweeping and mopping.  Vacuuming would be easier for me.  Sweeping is difficult because of the twisting motion of my body as I do it.  But between Chuck, Gus and daily visits from Deb's grandsons, there is much dirt, hay, leaves, etc, etc tracked in and so I do sweep fairly often.  It's a daunting task, but I suck it up.  But Deb comes in one night after work, sat down and said I'm gonna smoke a cigarette with you and then I'm gonna mop your floor and I won't take no for an answer.  And she did!  She moved the table and chairs and stools and everything else and "mopped" the floor on her hands and knees!  I busied myself putting all the odd things away that end up out of place and just sitting around.  When she was done with that, she scrubbed all of my kitchen cabinets and oiled them.  And that was just the 1st night!  She was an inspiration, for sure.  The next night, she did the laundry room and downstairs bathroom, while I oiled the coffee table and end tables.  During the day, I managed to get all of my curtains down and washed and got the windows washed, as well as washing up all of my 'treasures' that have been sitting collecting dust on my shelves in my sewing/computer room.
 My house looks wonderful, and it's surprising how easy it is to keep it that way now. 

Chuck unearthed my Dirt Devil that I totally forgot I had, and I've been using that instead of sweeping {easier on my back doing the forward motion thing} and using my wet Swiffer mop afterward. It was just too easy to let some things go undone, because I knew I would be hurting before I was finished.  But....I'm afraid that it's time to admit that I might not get much further than I already am and I just need to suck it up and do it!  It'll be a hell of a lot easier now.

Chuck was so insistent about paying her, that they got into a big old fight and she wouldn't speak to him for 3 days! God knows, they could use the money, but she wouldn't take it! It was pretty comical, actually.  But she wanted to do it for ME.  She knew how badly I wanted the house to look nice for Terri and RH's visit and had been watching me struggle trying to get things accomplished and she had just had enough of me refusing her help!  She is an awesome friend, indeed. 

Now if I could just get Gus to quit leaving his toys all over the house! LOL

I'm still trying to get used to wearing one contact lens.  It's been a week and a half and it's not happening yet.  I know some people that got used to it that quickly, but it can take several weeks for others.  I'm not sure I'll have that much patience!  But I will give it a bit longer.  It sure is nice under many circumstances, but not for everything. 

Here's to a Better Me.

It's been a pretty good week so far.  I'm adjusting fairly well to my new contact lens, I got my new glasses and love them and had a terrifically enlightening appointment with my regular Doctor. 

The problem with my new glasses is that I like them so well, I didn't wear my contact for 2 days!  Heh.  So that 'set me back' on my adjustment period a bit.  I went with Chuck yesterday for his eye exam (to make sure he didn't leave with dorky new glasses, LOL) and I talked to her about the difficulty with reading the computer.  She said she could adjust the prescription, but that she set it for regular reading and I decided I would leave it as is.  I'll just do most of my computing in the AM before I put in my contact, and in the evening after I take it out.  Or, maybe I'll simply adjust.  For all other applications, it's totally awesome!  Now I just have to break the habit of grabbing my chest every time I go to read something {since I've worn my glasses on a chain around my neck for the last 4 or 5 years!}.

As for my Doctor appointment....I went to see him thinking that I maybe needed to go back on Premarin (HRT).  I haven't written about it.....but, hell, I haven't written much of anything in so long it's ridiculous.  Part of the reason is the old "snoopy reader/prying eyes" thing, but I don't think there's anyone reading me anymore that I don't want here, and if there is.......tough noogies.

I think I wrote about going OFF Premarin many months ago, in my old blog {the one that got swallowed up into the blogoshere), but that did happen not long before my surgery (which was March 30th).  He figured that since I had been on it for 10 years, he wanted me to think about going off it and see what resulted.  I joked at the time that if I grew a mustache I was going right back on it, but that never happened so I didn't give anything else much thought.

Shortly thereafter, I was caught up in the whirlwind of preparing for, having and recovering from my Spinal Fusion Surgery.  Between the various and severe pain involved, the emotional drama induced by being slapped in the face with limitations that I couldn't have fathomed and the whole process in general......let's suffice to say that I have been a train wreck for a very long time!  Now that I am 7 months post-op and am {sorta} feeling a bit like my old self {sometimes}, even tho' it is too soon to know exactly what my permanent limitations will be.....I'm just not happy with where I am right now.  Here's a peek into a Day in the Life of Yankeechick.

Well, mayhaps I won't do that.  Let me just say that I have been having horrendous mood swings and have been SO emotional that I have been making myself crazy, as well as a couple of my dear friends that have to deal with me on a daily basis....neither of whom I will talk to about what my problem is, because most of the time I don't even know myself.  Or, even worse....I DO know, and it's so ridiculous and petty that I'm ashamed to admit it.  {which of course makes me more emotional}.  My anxiety levels are off the charts, partially due to putting so much energy into trying to suppress and hide my feelings.  I spend so much time doing that, even when I'm by myself, that I can't make myself do anything else.  I don't even call my babies or lovely daughter, because I know I'll hang up the phone and literally cry for hours.  All I do is cry.  When I'm not crying, I am pissed off at the world.  And I mean PISSED.  One of my friends is like my own personal little punching bags and why this person puts up with me, I have no idea. 

In addition to all that, there have been mini hot flashes {more like 'flushes'}, night sweats, not sleeping and the worst thing (along with the uncontrollable emotions) is not wanting to do ANYthing.  No quilting, no knitting, no reading.  I can't stand sitting in the house, so I drive into town with a list of several things to do....and then don't wanna do them.  So I drive.  Driving helps.  I like to drive.  One day I just kept driving and found myself halfway across Missouri before I snapped out of it. 

Do I sound totally crazy or what?  "Unstable" is the word that keeps popping into my head.  Not so, says Dr. H.  He began to analyze my history with my anti-depressants.  He had switched me from Zoloft to Cymbalta about a year ago or more.  The transition went well, but it still wasn't cutting it.  The usual dose of Cymbalta is 30 or 60 mg.  He had me on 60, which is pretty much the max.  I knew someone that was taking 90, however and it was extremely helpful, so he agreed to give me 90 and try that.  It was a huge success!  Until the samples he gave me ran out.  You see, my insurance doesn't cover Cymbalta and it runs about $350 for 30 pills.  I found a Discount RX place on line that I joined and I can get my 60mg at Walgreens for $135.  BUT the price for 30 of the 30mg to add to the 60mg is $335.00.  That didn't fly with a certain person in this house.....so after going thru hell for a few days after the 2 times I did get it filled, I finally just dropped back to taking 60mg and figured it would be better than nothing.

Anyway, Dr. H was thinking that I had been doing better on Zoloft than on the 90mg of Cymbalta and maybe I should switch back.  So, I confessed my story about the Cymbalta and it all became very clear to him, because he was amazed that it wasn't helping me more.  He also said that all of my symptoms went along with the depression and he really didn't think my hormones were involved here at all.  He left the room and came back in with a bag full of samples of the 30mg.  3 months worth to be exact.  Of course, I started crying....and he started laughing!  He said, "I'll take care of you.  You've been going thru too much for too long and it's high time you got feeling better.".  So I thanked him profusely, but then asked him what would I do at the end of 3 months.  He said, you come back and see me to check your progress and we do this again.  Simple.

What a guy.  And so.....I am well on my way to getting my life back and to being ME again.  Being a better mother, grandmother, friend and wife (even if I'm not worth an extra $350 a month, LOL.) I shouldn't say that because I'm sure if I wasn't so emotional (which he hates) I could explain it and make him understand that it's not "all in my head".  But now I don't have to :). 

Now.....if I can find a Maine Coon cat, life will be good!

Visitors and Birthdays

Friday was a big day! In fact my whole week, plus, has been a world wind of activity and although I intended to blog as I went, as usual I neglected writing and reading.

The first big news is that my teeny beautiful first grandbaby, Riley, turned 18 on Friday!

Such a beautiful teeny baby has grown into a gorgeous, wonderful young woman!  And absolutely NO ONE could be more proud of or full of love for their grandchild!

The other BIG news is that I had company!!  One of my very dearest friends, Terri T {aka MySeniorMoments, aka My5Cents} and her hubby, RH, came to visit!!  They were only here for the day, as they were on their way to visit a couple of Terri's sisters, but we had a terrific afternoon and evening together.  The day went by so incredibly fast, though.  Why does that always have to happen??  It was their first time to visit my home and to meet Chuck and Gus and The Girls.  RH loves horses and he really enjoyed getting a little one on one time with them.  Hopefully next visit, Dixie will be fully recovered and the boys can go riding, and Terri and I can do some Girl Stuff :).

One of the other 'adventurous' happenings of the week was my visit to the Eye Doctor.  It has only been 9 months, but for some reason my prescription had changed quite a bit.  I could tell it had and I also was interested in finally pursuing the use of  Mono-Vision contact lenses.  I should say 'lens', as I am only wearing one, in my right eye, for reading.  My distance vision is fine....at least it has been for the past few years.  Oddly enough, I used to have to wear glasses to drive, but could read just fine.  Ahhh....the changes that come with age.  Anyway, when I was at my last appt with her, the Doc has suggested that I was a perfect candidate for this Mono-Vision contact lens thing, but I really had to think about it.  I never thought I would be able to insert and remove something onto my eyeball!  LOL  But it really is a piece o' cake :).  It can take a week or two for your eyes to adjust and I'm still at the 'blurry stage', but only for distance.  For reading, it is amazing!!  And so far, it really sucks for the computer, but time will tell.  I also got an awesome new pair of glasses that I LOVE, so mayhaps I will just have to resort to early mornings and late evenings for doing most of my computer stuff.  Time will tell.

My other big thing this week is that I am really REALLY wanting a cat.  I miss my Princess terribly and there is no replacing her, that's for sure.  But I have been wanting another cat for ages anyway and especially now.  Kittens are cute, that's for sure, but I really want to 'rescue' an adult cat.  But it has to be just the right cat, know what I mean??  I had a wonderful Maine Coon cat years ago and would dearly love to have another.  Hopefully there is one out there just 'waiting' for me :)

Equine Escape Artist

Guided by the light of the full moon, Dixie and Susie had quite a night for themselves last night.  At least if the hoof prints and 'skid marks' in the lawn are any clue as to their activities!

The 'naughty one' has learned to open the latch on one of the gates.  In fact she escaped several days ago as Puss Puss and I were sitting out back reading.  THIS story goes, that Puss Puss wanted to go out with me and as was her habit of the last couple of weeks, she liked to wander far away from the house.  As weak as she was, off she would go.  It has been suggested to me that she was looking for a 'special place' for her last days {or day}, but I won't get into that right now.  She had made it about half way down the path to the barn, but there was some interesting noises coming from the barn, so she stopped and lay down.  Chuck, for some reason had left the front door to the barn {that leads down the hall to Dixie's stall, and also to the back door} open.  There is a dual gate that serves as the door to Dixie's stall, but when opened up the other way, it blocks the way out the back door of the barn.  Without this story getting too complicated, I will simply say that Dixie managed to injure an ankle bad enough a couple days previous, so that Chuck had to apply liniment and wrap her leg and she was walking pretty stiff legged.  When I heard all the noise and rattling around coming from the barn, I was afraid that she had lain down and couldn't get up.  By the time I went into the house and got my 'barn sneakers', I came out to find her outside, behind the barn eating grass!  {and Puss Puss was no where in sight}.  Since poor Dixie is still on her diet of Hay and Water, she didn't move from the grass she was eating, as I approached, and I was able to lead her back through the barn to the barn yard.  That was when I had discovered that she had "picked the lock", so to speak and unlatched the gate. 

Chuck didn't seem to think it would be an issue, since he seldom leaves the front barn door open anyway, so he didn't change the latch.  Sooooo, last night when he let them out after their evening meal, he decided to leave them both in the barn yard, rather than turning Susie out to the outer pasture, as we were having a big old thunder storm.  He also left the front barn doors open  so that they could get into their stalls out of the weather if they wanted. 

Well, at some point during the night, Dixie unlatched the gate and she and her Mama escaped and spent the night munching the fresh green grass of the lawn.  When Chuck and Gus went out the back door this AM to give them their carrots on their way to get the morning paper, they sorta met him at the back door!  LOL I think it is just hysterical that they were roaming the neighborhood in the middle of the night.  Now we just have to hope that Dixie doesn't get sick from eating grass all night.  Not a good thing, after having only hay to eat for several weeks.  She's a bit subdued, but so far seems fine.  Little sneak!

As for the whereabouts of Puss Puss the other day, when she disappeared while I captured Dixie.....for the second time in a few days, she had gone over to the neighbors place and was hiding out in his work shop.  These darling critters are always up to something....especially the 'naughty one'.  Hee hee.

Moving On

Yesterday, the vet's office called to tell me that my dear kitty's cremains were back and ready for me to pick up.  It made for a sad start to my day, as I headed to their office, but it was also rewarding in some way.  I took the special little cedar chest with me that contains Max's cremains, so that I could place hers in it with him.  They were such good buddies, it seemed like the natural thing to do.
I miss her terribly, but I also do not have to worry about what she is feeling.  She is free from all that and for that I am grateful.

We have been having some beautiful fall weather and the roses in my new flower bed are regular blooming idiots! 

 There is an orange and yellow one that is about to bloom and a lavender one and the yellow one has a ton of buds.  Soon they will be gone, along with the perfect weather :(.  One person is telling me that I need to cut them back before the first frost and someone else is telling me not to cut them back until spring.  An article I read online, re: roses in Arkansas, said to prune them in February.....WTH???  I think I'll wait til spring, as that advice comes from Victoria and she has been growing beautiful roses in Arkansas for several years.

Farewell My Little Friend

Today was the day. My sweet little Princess Esmeralda and I said our farewells and she passed over, in my arms, with a little help from my favorite vet.

The past few days were rough....for all of us. She was deteriorating rapidly and I could see that she had become very uncomfortable. I needed to help her along before she began to really suffer. My heart really isn't into writing any more tonight, but I'm sure I'll have a lot to tell you about my girl in the days to come.

Tough Little Girl

I need to update on my sweet little Puss Puss. She is still failing by the day.

I last weighed her On Wednesday AM and she is down to 4.2 lbs. It is beginning to show in her teeny little flat Persian face. I can see what little flesh was on her face is gone and she is showing signs of what I believe to be dehydration. She makes many trips to the water fountain that she and Gus share, but just bobs her little head, sniffing and does not drink. I tend to follow her around to where ever she is currently curled up and napping, to place tiny bowls of water near her so she will have a fresh drink, if and when she wants it. Occasionally, she drinks a bit, but not enough.

She still hadn't eaten anything, or taken in any more of the Nutr-Cal since my last post. But when I got home Wednesday, after getting my hair done, Chuck had already arrived home and while waiting for me he decided to try force feeding her. He used one of the syringes that the vet had given me and managed to get some chicken baby food into her wee little mouth and she actually swallowed it. I think he said he got about 4 mouthfuls down her, and then put some of the Nutri-Cal in the syringe, but THAT she did spit out.

As much as Chuck loves our little Puss Girl, his manner of being "gentle" is pretty rough on such a fragile little thing and the ordeal seemed to really take it's toll on her. She did come to me to cuddle, after dinner, which is her habit these past weeks, but she looked terrible and seemed so tired out that she didn't stay long and very soon, she ambled upstairs to her spot on our bedroom and stayed there for the rest of the night.

She was a bit perkier yesterday AM and I took the opportunity to wash her little face with a warm wash cloth. She hasn't been grooming herself at all and Dear Old Dad made a bit of a mess with the baby food. Plus, Persian cats have runny eyes and I usually wipe them with a tissue, but the wash cloth worked much better on all of it. That was when I got a really good close look at her poor little face and could see the changes. Yesterday she would drink no water or milk all day, but when Chuck got home, we did the baby food thing again and she ate 3 mouthfuls before she had clearly had enough. It went much better with me holding her with her head over my shoulder, but when she had had enough, and spewed the 4th mouthful out onto my shirt, she got down and went into hiding again, until after dinner.

We can see her weakness when she walks and she no longer even attempts to jump up to my chair or the kitchen stool, instead 'asking' to be picked up and placed there. And I began to realize yesterday, that it is beginning to uncomfortable for her to have me pet her very much. As I said, she has been wanting a lot of cuddle time lately, which is usually me holding her over my shoulder. She burrows her head into my hair as I stroke her, often for an hour or two at a time, but yesterday she would stop purring and start moving around a bit as I was petting her, so I stopped and she snuggled back in and went back to purring. This is her 1st sign of any discomfort since all this began and it's tearing me up. I'm afraid of what will be next and pray that she not suffer at all before the end comes. I'm pretty sure that if she doesn't go quietly in her sleep by Monday or so, I will have to decide the best way to help her.

Grasshopper Delight

As I reported yesterday, Puss Puss was having a 'good' day. She wanted to be outside a lot and that's a good thing.

At one point yesterday afternoon, shortly after Chuck got home from riding Susie, he decided to let Dixie out into the pasture with Susie and let her have some play time with Mom.

Yes~Dixie is still in solitary confinement in the barn yard.
Yes~Dixie is still on her crash diet.
Yes~It is working and we estimate that she has lost about 300 lbs :).
Yes~Her laminitous is improving and she ran and played with her Mama yesterday in an almost "normal" manner!

The even better part of that scenario was when I had come back in the house and plopped at my computer for a bit, only to look out the window and see Puss Puss making a mad dash for the horse pasture. Here she was, crouched down low to the ground, moving as fast as her little paws would carry her, in hot pursuit of some unseen object. My first thought was that she was about to be trampled by a thundering hoof, but I barely had time to complete that thought when I saw her fly up into the air and twirl around swiping at a still unseen object, both paws just a flailing!! She hit the ground and took off in hot pursuit again, only to stop short and dart off in another direction and leap into the air again! She looked like a ballerina kitty!

I surely wish someone had been shooting video, because it was a rather chaotic few moments. The horses were tearing up the turf, Gus was running along side of the horses barking his fool head off, the cat was doing pirouettes in the midst of it all and Chuck & I were both running to save the cat!! As we got closer, we realized that the pasture was FULL of grasshoppers and the horses had certainly stirred them up and Puss Puss was trying to catch every one of them!

She was having a ball! I felt like I was watching my poor sick, dying kitty having her last 'hurrah' or something! Where in God's name she found that little burst of energy is beyond me, but it was quite delightful to see! I think we all forgot, for a few moments at least, that she was so ill and so fragile. There was no sign of that for a little while, anyway.

Last night and so far today, she is not so inspired. Not by her Valium or a bowl of milk or the Nutri-Cal. She wants only cuddles and lots of sleep. And so I wait.....

Think Positive

Allll righty then........this AM I shall write a more positive post, because I really can't expect you to come here and read negative stuff, time after time after time.........How dreary of me of to only post about the bad shit.  I must dig deeper and pull some more upbeat shit out of my ass hat!

My rose garden is going {growing} great!  They survived the transplant and are thriving and blooming.  All 9 plants have lots of new growth and they all are in bloom and/or loaded with buds!  I'm pretty sure I owe it all to Martha Stewart and her Epsom Salts tip.  Plus I've been watering, spraying and fertilizing right on schedule, like a good little rose gardener.

Here's a yellow one that Chuck picked for me this AM



Isn't my vase cute?? I collect Wymsiclay Cats for my mantle and have a couple of vases that are like the kitties. Too cute!

Chuck is getting ready to go riding with a friend. ARG!! I wanna go SOOOOO bad. It's a beautiful sunny 61 degrees. Perfect for most anything, but particularly for riding my Sweet Susie. Fall riding is the best and I am so tempted to try, but that would be a huge mistake. I might not be real smart, but I am smarter than that. It's already been over 2 years. I guess another 6 months won't kill me.

In Puss Puss news, she finally took some more Nutri-Cal this AM {actually, Chuck forced a finger full into her wee little mouth} and shortly there-after she drank some milk. Awhile later, I found her IN the kitchen sink drinking water out of a rinsed out bowl I had set in there. Very strange, but all good. I weighed her yesterday and she is down to 4.8 lbs, from 5.4 eight days ago. She has been a steady 8 lbs all of her adult life, so you can imagine what a little skeleton kitty she is under all that hair. And this is a lousy picture, but it is her in her 'new favorite spot'.

She used to like to lay on my printer tray, which is beside me and between me and a window. That way she could keep tabs on everything. LOL I just gotta keep lovin' her while I can and keep her purring and comfortable.

Brave Little Kitty

Well, things are not going so well for my kitty.  She still won't eat much at all and I have tried almost everything I can think of.  She ate some cat food Monday PM, but nothing at all Tuesday or Wednesday.  Thursday AM I went and spoke to the vet and she gave me a couple of more suggestions.  One was to give me a syringe to try force feeding her some baby food. She also told me to try doubling the Valium. The other idea was chicken broth, since she is a least drinking water.  The vet felt that if I didn't get her to eat by Friday afternoon, I would have to make a decision.

She has refused the chicken broth.  My friend Deb asked me Thursday PM if she liked milk.  I couldn't believe I hadn't thought of that!  I poured her a tiny bowl of milk and she went for it, big time!  Well....I say big time....she probably drank about 3 Tablespoons, but we were excited!  Deb also told me about a product called Nutri-Cal.  It's a gel like substance that is concentrated nutrition and often reported to help stimulate a pet's appetite.  I picked some of that up yesterday  and she loved it!  Gave her the allotted amount about noon, but sadly she wouldn't take any more last evening.  Not that, or milk or any form of cat food or people food.  Tonight Chuck and I will try the force feeding with some chicken baby food.

If this doesn't work, then we have to decide if we want to take her in to the vet and have her put on IVs.  For nourishment as well as her Kidney failure.  At this point, having gone this long without eating and without starting the meds she is quickly deteriorating.  I hate to talk money in regards to something like this, but I have had a wretched week over this and am, at this moment, fairly 'stable' enough to talk about it.  It will cost approximately $100 a day to put her on IVs, with only minimal hope that it will help her and no way of knowing how long she will have to be on them.....IF it helps.  The vet very honestly told me that she has seen many instances of people spending 2 or 3 thousand dollars and sometimes it works and it helps their cats and sometimes (most times) it really doesn't.  And even if it does, we are only 'buying' a few months.  This disease can not be stopped or corrected.  The damage is done and all we can do is to slow the progression.

Chuck is willing to indulge me if I choose to go the IV route.  He loves her as much as I do.  I have decided I will not put her, or us through that.  But I also can't sit by and let her starve to death.  So far, she is still happy, but then I'm sure the Valium twice a day helps with that.  She still wants to go outside and wander the yard and sit in the sun watching me water my flowers.  She still comes for cuddles and her purr box is going non stop.  But every time I pick her up, it breaks my heart to feel her little boniness under all that hair, as she wastes away.

I don't want to euthanize her.  I wish for her to curl up and fall asleep in one of her favorite spots and simply not wake up.

Sad Sick Kitties

My poor little kitty is not doing so well these days.  I hadn't wanted to post about it earlier, until I knew what her problem was.  I didn't want Riley to read it and have her and the other kids be upset about their fuzzy little buddy.  They kept her at the Vet Clinic for 3 days before they were finally able to determine that she is in the early stages of Kidney failure.  It wasn't showing up in the initial tests they did.....in fact, nothing showed up.  The Doctor was afraid that perhaps she had cancer of some sort.  I was pretty upset.

She still isn't eating, which was the initial problem.  She hadn't been quite herself for a few days before we left to go camping for a long weekend and we got home to find that she hadn't eaten a bite of food!  When I picked her up, I could feel every bone in her teeny body.  She'd really a petite little Persian and barely hit 8 lbs even with all that hair of hers.  I weighed her on Monday and she was 5.7.  By the time I could get her to the vet Wednesday AM at 7, she was 5.4.  She's been a little quieter and more subdued than usual, but other than that she seemed fine.  And she continued to be that way while at the vet clinic.  She was showing no other symptoms, other than the lack of appetite.  Her blood work all came back good, so then they had to wait for a urine sample to do more tests and when they finally got that, they then found the indication of kidney failure.  Apparently, at certain levels, it won't show up in the blood work.

Anyway, there is medicine she can take but she can't start on that until she starts eating again.  Then it will be daily meds and a special diet.  I have been giving her every sort of cat food under the sun, trying to get her to eat.  They gave me teeny tiny doses of Valium to give her twice a day, as that is supposed to be a super appetite stimulant for cats.  Mostly, she staggers around with dilated pupils, meowing and purring a lot.  She did finally take a couple bites of food this AM and just now she ate a bit more, but not enough.  Sigh....

They want to start this medicine as soon as possible, before her condition deteriorates.  I can't seem to make her understand that she MUST EAT!! She is functioning at about 70%.....if it drops any more, she's in trouble.  Years back that happened to the cat of some friends of ours and they went through a long and difficult year of IV's and all sorts of awful things.  I will not put the Princess through all that.  Not her.  Not us. 

She has been our little companion for almost 12 years.  She traveled with us on the dash of our motor home for many years, navigating our travels.  From Alaska to Key West to New York to Texas.  You name it.  And she raised several dogs while she was at it!  Max and Nugget, Lily and now Gus.  Gus wouldn't miss her much.  They don't interact a lot.  I think by the time he came along, she had had her fill of pups.  But her and Max were great buddies for years and one of these days her little remains will share Max's little cedar chest.

  I just hope it's not for a long while yet........

Doctors, Roses and Tahoes

Most things were going halfway decent this week.  Got home from an interesting weekend of camping to become besieged with outrageous allergies, mostly due to the entire countryside being covered with a plethora of yellow 'flowers', AKA, Ragweed.  The Ragweed and grass pollen counts are off the  charts here and I've got it bad.  Head and chest congestion, coughing up "pollen balls" (sounds better than phlegm) and much blowing.  Yuck.  It is very {unusually} dry and the lack of humidity and low dewpoint makes it worse.  I pray for a break in the weather SOON!

While we were camping, we had a call that our friends son was in a motor cycle accident so they hopped in their truck and headed for the hospital, but did come back later, as he was 'fine'.  Totaled the bike, but he escaped with only a broken collarbone and 3 staples in his head along with an abundance of 'road rash'.  They guy that got hurt was Roy, that used to work for Chuck.  He was riding the "Crotch Rocket" that belongs to the guy that currently works for Chuck.  No insurance on the bike.  Crazy people.

I had an appointment scheduled for my X-rays and visit with the Neurosurgeon on Wednesday.  It was to be my long awaited and anxiously anticipated 6 month check up.  The hospital lost my order for the X-Rays, causing a long enough of a delay that I couldn't see the surgeon afterward.  That got rescheduled for today.  MY surgeon was out of town, so I had to see another one.  I was NOT happy about that, especially since I couldn't get any straight answers or information out of him.  I did at least find out that my X-rays showed that all of my hardware is still in place and the bone grafts appear to be healing quite nicely.  That is very good news, and my main concern, but......I had many questions about a few issues I have been having and some limitations I am still experiencing.  Didn't get any satisfaction out of this guy!  In a nut shell, he told me that I should be happy that I am not in as much pain as I was prior to the surgery; that I need to remember that I am no longer 20 years old {WTF?}; that where I am at might be as good as it gets but I should continue to see improvement over the next 6 months.  Crap on a cracker.  That was so not how I wanted this appointment to turn out.

I did finally get my Tahoe back on Wednesday after being without it for almost 3 weeks while Chuck's van was awaiting the arrival of a new engine.  But then the water pump went out on the Tahoe, so I was without it for most of yesterday.  Good grief.  I think our vehicle situation should be back to 'normal' now and it sure feels good to have my 'Ho back!

The rose garden we put in last month seems to be a success!  The gal we bought the roses from had trimmed them all back...a LOT, and after the trauma of the transplant I wasn't sure they would fare well, but they all have a lot of new growth and we have had a bloom here and there, but now they are suddenly growing like crazy! Here's a shot I took of one bloom and some buds on Monday,


And here they are today!


yep! These are all those little buds, all opened up and quite fragrant! The other plants are getting lots of buds, as well. Very encouraging, indeed. Now if we can just get them to survive the winter :)

Here We Go Again...........

Packing up the motorhome and headed camping with Roy, Deb and the boys.  This time, I am not wearing myself out cooking all day to prepare stuff to take.  And I am not going to carry heavy stuff out to the motorhome and make 152 trips doing it.  (Chuck already has)  And I have already packed all of my 'just in case' meds for my leg spasms and sleeping :).  It should be much more enjoyable this time. All I have to do tomorrow is make a big batch of salsa (that everyone seems to love) and take a few things from the fridge out and I'll be ready to go.

I've still been without my truck for the second week.  The new engine for Chuck's van didn't come in until today and it 'should' be ready Friday.  Hopefully I will have my wheels back on Monday.  YAY!  I am just used to being able to come and go as I please and being stranded hasn't been too painful, but it's been a bit inconvenient.  My purple hair is fading and the silver roots are WAY over-exposed.  I am desperately in need of a fresh set of nails and a pedicure. I haven't been able to go the the fitness center to do my back and leg strengthening exercises (boo hoo).  Mostly I miss my weekly lunches with Victoria.  We talk almost everyday, but we have the most fun when we get together.

Here are a couple of pictures I took the other day.  Even tho I didn't dare get close enough to miss part of the house, thereby screwing up the composition, I am still pleased that the splashing of the little Mama Bluebird shows up so well.

There!  All clean!!  So cute to watch.  I love my bird bath :)

Attacked Again!

Three weeks ago, I was ruthlessly attacked by a horrendous hoard of Seed Ticks, left to suffer for many days from my allergic reaction to their teeny tiny little bites. Yesterday, it was poor Chuck's turn. The Chiggers got to him yesterday apparently, and he has been in misery ALL over his body.....and I mean ALL over! I got out the Cortisone Plus and gave him an antihistamine and he is doing much better....for now. But it will be an ongoing battle for awhile. It's amazing he hasn't gotten into them long before now. He's been very fortunate :)

Here it is almost the end of September and everyone is yapping about it being "Fall". It is currently 7:30 PM and 88 degrees! That is NOT Fall weather to this Yankee. Talk to me again in November. Real Fall hits here around Thanksgiving. LOL I'm sure we will get a couple of ice storms in January or so, but I will thoroughly embrace the 40ish temperatures before and after!!

Oh, and when I changed my template I lost my comments....which has something to do with my need to uninstall and reinstall the comment thingy I was using. I'll work on that another day.

A Video and Some Photos~Horse Stuff, Of Course!

Dixie Drinking Video
Originally uploaded by YankeeChick
Dixie just loves drinking from the hose {following a good shower from it, of course!}. Here's a short little video I took with my phone :)

She also is an "itchy" girl and you can find her scratching various body parts on the fence or tree or whatever else is handy.  I REALLY need to get one of her scratching her butt on the fence.  It's hysterical!


And I wouldn't wanna leave Puss Puss out (AKA Princess Esmerelda)She seldom gets published!

Brand New Day

Since my big ol' Pity Party the other day, I have received some awesome comments, emails and a couple of heart warming phone calls.  Friendship and caring......does a body good!

I also had an incredibly funny Googler reach my blog that day by Googling "butt fusion".  Thought I would die laughing.  Wondering if mayhaps it is someone about to go to prison and is afraid....oh, never mind.  Who knew it wasn't safe to talk about my spinal fusion in the same post as mentioning my horse being on her knees with her butt in the air???  When tracing the link back, this is what I found that the person had clicked on.  I must admit, it could pique one's couriosity....

Yankee-Chick

It was Dixie's butt, up in the air. She was on her knees, in the fresh mud, ... At that point I will know, most importantly, if the fusion has 'taken' and ...
yankee-chick.blogspot.com/

The 'thing' with my legs seemed to go away yesterday and so far today it hasn't afflicted me.  That has the potential of being a good thing because there is the possibility that it won't happen again....any more....never!  Or, it could be like other things and will pop up when I least expect it.  I'll pretend it's gone for good and go on about my business :)

Of course, it's rather hard to get on about my business when my Tahoe has been abducted by that Man and his dog!  Sadly Chuck's van died Friday and he has been having to use my Tahoe.  Originally, our mechanic thought he could have it fixed by yesterday or today (Thursday) to the tune of about $1000.  Gulp.  But, as of yesterday, after further investigation he found out that the van needs a new engine.  SO....that won't be done until NEXT Wed or Thurs and will cost more like $3500!  BIG gulp!!  He did toy with the idea of getting a new van, but figured that he'd have to shell out more than that for a down payment and then we would have another monthly payment to make.  Besides, he and that van have logged over 160,000 miles together and he seems to have some strange sentimental attachment to it. 

One good thing about it is that it keeps me from going to town and buying fabric and yarn and stuff.  Of course, it also keeps me from buying groceries and running errands for HIM but it works out okay. I have started knitting.  Not sure if I mentioned that here or not, but I have and I am working on a couple of projects, but always think of more and want to get the yarn for it now!  So, I'm finishing up a couple and getting a couple of sewing projects out and will be getting into them real serious here in the next few days.  Providing, of course, that I don't find myself in the midst of another Pity Party.  Those are very detrimental to the accomplishment of any projects :(.  But I shall think positive and remain optimistic.  I insist!

  For now, I shall go play with uploading some photos and will probably bore you with those later. 

I Need A Pep Talk

I really do, but I don't suppose any of you can help me. 

Today I am feeling extremely negative about a multitude of things.  Mainly involving my defective body.  I'm tired.  Tired of feeling like a mere shadow of my former self.  The self that used to always be so physically active; riding my King Quad 4-wheeler across the tundra, up mountains, down mountains, thru mud flats for hours on end.  The self that helped pour concrete, build trusses, hang sheet rock and whatever else it took to help build houses.  The self that used to run and play with her grandchildren, swinging them thru the air, piggy back rides, riding bikes, running thru the rain.  The self that was just getting comfortable enough with her sweet Susie to ride across a field with wild abandon, giving Susie her head and letting my own head be blown free of all thoughts except the delightful freedom one can only experience with a trusted and loyal friend such as she.

Some days I sit here and wish I had never had my surgery.  Other days, I write how glad I am that I did and today I look back on that entry and wonder WTF was I thinking that day.  Days like today, I want my freakin life back!  I do not feel grateful for anything.  It has been almost 6 months and just when things seem to be getting better and just when I realize that I can do something that I haven't been able to do for a long time, something 'new' develops that just throws me for a loop.

I started out pretty good today.  At least I was up until about an hour ago.  We had just had a serious rain shower, which we are in desperate need of.  It had about stopped when I went to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee.  I had just finished scrubbing one of the bathrooms, fresh and clean with just me and my bucket of bleach water.  I was feeling pleased that I had accomplished that for the first time in eons.  I scrubbed the tile floor, the door, the tile on the walls (it runs half way up and there is wall paper on the top half) and the vanity.  The muscles in my back protested a bit, but I'm okay with that.  THAT is to be expected, especially because I'm still not supposed to be doing things quite so exuberantly. So.....while getting my coffee, I looked out the kitchen window and saw the most hysterical sight!  It was Dixie's butt, up in the air.  She was on her knees, in the fresh mud, stretching her neck under the fence trying to get to some weeds on the other side.  I grabbed my camera and away I went.  She heard me, and of course got up.  Didn't matter.  Halfway to the fence, my left leg suddenly went out from under me and down I went.  Thankfully, I kept the Nikon tucked safely under my arm and it didn't go flying thru the mud and grass!  Well, I landed on my knees....cursed myself for not staying focused on my walking and got back up.  Stood there for a minute and looked at Dixie as she peered sheepishly at me over the fence.  OMG!  Her whole face, from her ears to down under her chin, was covered with mud!  As were her legs from her knees down.  Lucky me, I took a couple steps before pulling my camera out from the safety of my underarm, because down I went again.  Then I was pissed.  Came back in the house, wiped myself off and here I am.

This has been going on for.....oh, about 3 weeks or so.  Much leg pain in general, but also this crap of having one or both legs just go out from under me.  I will feel a sharp pain in the front of my leg, like someone stuck a big ass hat pin in the front of the joint and boom....the old leg wants to give out!  Sometimes it only happens once; sometimes it is only one leg; sometimes it is both and sometimes it just keeps on keeping on!  Since the first part of my Physical Therapy involved me learning how to walk properly again, I have been 'trained' to remain pretty well focused on every step I take, so I really haven't 'gone down' until today.  Before I started this entry, I Googled "leg problems post lumbar fusion".  During the past 6 months I have Googled many things relating to my surgery and each time it amazes me at what I find.  There is always good and bad.  And you all know how it is when you Google something.  One page leads to another and another, until you've actually covered several different issues different from, but still related to, your original Google.  Today I read a lot about 'nerves healing' and 'nerve damage'........again.  But I did find out that a lot of people have similar issues after this surgery.  I also found out that sometimes it is due to "failed" surgery and they have to have it redone.  It is also sometimes due to permanent nerve damage occurring at the time of surgery.  But, hey!  They have pills for that!  Fuck me.  Some people have it and as they continue to heal {which we must remember, boys and girls...this will take up to 12 months!} it does go away.  And on and on the possibilities go.......beCAUSE........everyone is different!!!! 

I don't wanna be different!  I don't wanna live with pain any more!!  I WANT TO BE ABLE TO MOVE FREELY ABOUT THE CABIN OF LIFE LIKE I USED TO!!!!!!!!!!

So many times I have started to write a post like this and either deleted it or just never started it.  I think of some of my friends that have gone through so much worse.  SO much worse!  Like our dear K-Lo and sweet Purple Chai.  I think of them and then I look at myself and wonder who the hell am I to complain about what trivial shit I am going through?!?!  But....today, I am complaining.  And I am in no way undermining what these brave and courageous, beautiful women have dealt (and are dealing) with.  I guess I just need to have my stinking pity party, once and for all.  I sit too long, and I hurt.  I walk too long, and I hurt.  I stand too long (like 30 seconds) and I hurt.  WTF??????  I will get up out of my chair after sitting here writing this and my back will hurt and I will have to walk probably 20 or 30 feet before I can straighten up....maybe.  Maybe not.  I never know.  I'm already getting achy from sitting this long, so I'll finish up and go put a load of laundry in the dryer and load the dishwasher and then I'll need to sit again....only in a different chair.

Good God! That is certainly quite enough whining for one day, what say?  All I can do is muddle along until the 29th when I finally have my 6 month check up with the Surgeon.  At that point I will know, most importantly, if the fusion has 'taken' and if all is healing properly.........or not. And if these leg problems will go away.....or not.  If not, just shoot me, because I will NOT have  another surgery!!!!  NEVER!! 

Camping Trip and Me, Me, Me,Me, Me

We took our motorhome out of moth balls and went on a camping trip with our neighbors and good buds, Roy & Debbie for the long holiday weekend.  We left Thursday afternoon and came home yesterday {Monday} early afternoon.  We only went about 30 mile from home, but it was a great campground on Table Rock River and our sites were right on the sandy 'beach' of the river.  Sweet!

Their 2 grandsons, Corbin and Noah were along {as they live with Roy and Deb} and Saturday was Corbin's 9th birthday so we had a party for him.  Their daughter & her hubby and youngest daughter {5} also came.  It really was lots of fun.

In my last post I was sounding off about how well I am doing post-surgery.  Well, that changed in a big-ass hurry.  After helping the farrier with the horses Wed. AM, I proceeded to spend the rest of the day gathering stuff up for the motorhome, doing laundry and shopping for the trip.  Thursday I spent the day cooking for the trip and trying to load stuff.  I made potato salad, brisket, salsa, birthday cake, beans, guacamole and other dips.  The motorhome has actually been at an RV place, as we have been trying to sell it, so it was EMPTY.  Not set up with all the basics like it always used to be, so gathering and loading was a major chore.  Needless to say, by Thursday PM I was wiped out and spent Friday and Saturday in quite a bit of pain.  Did I remember to take my meds for my leg spasms?  NO.  Did I remember my Tylenol PM so I could sleep at night even tho I couldn't get comfortable?? NO.  What an idiot.  Deb found some Tylenol PM, so that I did get some decent sleep Saturday PM.  I should have driven home for the other meds, but it {like everything else at that point} seemed like too much effort.  But that's enough bitching. 

Well, maybe not.  Wednesday PM, after having helped the farrier for about an hour and a half  that AM, Chuck and I pulled over 40 Seed Ticks off me. They were everywhere.  The big ticks don't bother me, but the Seed Tick bites itch and fester like fire ant bites and those have been driving me nuts.  We treat our yard, but in thinking back, the farrier set up his stuff off to the other side of the pasture, where no one ever really goes and apparently Chuck doesn't treat.  After he was done helping me "tick pick", he went right out and sprayed the horses.  If I got so many, imagine what they had going on!!!  Poor girls :(

Putting my 'discomfort' aside, it was a great weekend!  We're gonna go again a time or 2 before it gets to be too cold for these Southerners.  LOL  I'll just do things a bit different and be better prepared.  That, and leave more stuff for Chuck to do, like he told me to, to begin with.  Just gotta learn to listen!

Blogrolls, Happy Horses and Progress

So how do you feel about Blogrolls??  I have asked this before and many of you like them because it provides you with an easy link to other bloggers, as well as a means to discover some new reads.  I like them for that reason, as well.  Typically I will read someone's blog if I see them leave interesting comments and check them out via the comment.

But what if......someone has a blogroll and it is quite obvious that they keep it updated, because you see new names go up and others go off, rather frequently.........but you're not on it.  Maybe it's someone that you have been blog buds with since you began blogging and you have had your ups and downs with thru the years, but thought all was well.  How much time should pass before it really hurts your feelings?

I can be......okay, I AM a rather controversial person and I don't blame some folks for not reading me.  But then again, I don't write like I used to.  Subject manner has drastically changed, which no doubt turned some away, cuz they like dirt.  Sometimes, I really feel that because of past 'issues' and the fact that they were so verbal and public about it, they are literally ashamed to have "Yankee Chick" in their blogroll!  Some of these folks still read me and I them and comments are left by both.  So, I don't get it.

Personally, I took my blogroll down the other day.  I have always liked having one because I like for people to have access to some of the cool blogs I read and to see who our mutual reads might be, and so forth.  But, in light of a recent 'dust up' (a phrase I loathe, but seems appropriate since it wasn't really a 'flame war') I decided to take it down until I do some reorganizing.  There is no point in having blogs listed that you: 1) no longer read. 2) no longer want to refer your friends to or 3) have no desire to be connected to.
So, yeah.....I guess I will now be one of those that just might fall into the category of being ashamed to have people on my blogroll as I wouldn't care for some of my readers to stumble upon some of their postings.  (Cuz I'm so fu%&*ng perfect, dontchaknow!!)

In other news, the farrier was here this AM and fixed sweet little Dixie's feet up again.  He was very impressed with how well she is going and didn't expect her progress to be as far advanced as it it.  Since he hasn't seen her for 3 weeks, he could also see that she is, indeed, losing weight and said that whatever we are doing, keep it up cuz she's doing great!  Susie got a 'manicure' and new shoes today and she is all frisky and happy, too.  

Only problem is, I thought he was coming tonight, not this AM, so my freshly showered self is now covered with horse kiss slobber and sweat.  Gotta help catch them and hold them, ya know.  I'm just glad I was able to help. This is how I realize the progress I am making since my surgery....by realizing that I have just done something that I wasn't able to do a month ago or 6 months ago or even a year ago!  I love it.  Even 3 weeks ago, I wouldn't even have attempted to go out in the pasture and try to catch Susie, let alone put a lead on her and walk her out to his truck.  Yes....walking out and back and following her around hurt a bit, but certainly not enough to stop me!  And leading her with her lead rope, tugging on her resisting self, didn't seem to strain my back muscles.  It's all good.  Damn good!!

I Am So Confused.........

Do you ever have days when it seems like nothing at ALL makes any sense?  I'm so confused right now, I don't even know where to begin.  My mind is reeling with questions.

Am I a bad friend?
Do I not know how to read anybody?
How well can you really know another person?
Can you trust anyone to be totally honest with you?
Do you just keep to yourself and not get close to anyone?
Are you supposed to feel that you have to be on your guard with everyone?
Should a person just flit thru life having fun with people and keep the serious crap locked away?
Is it supposed to be okay to have people come and go so easily in and out of your life?

Should a person just pull back into their safe little shell, stay away from their computer so as not to be so damn confused by the conflicts?

Two very special people in my 3D world are constantly telling me that I over think things and take too much, too seriously.  I think it's time I listened.  I need to lighten up-blow stuff off-step away from the drama and above all else, refrain from getting involved in any way, shape or manner. 

I know this doesn't make any sense, but I guess it's not supposed to.....on account of I'm so confused!  I think I'll go talk to my horses.  They'll help me noodle this out!

The Rose Garden and A Happy Horse

Well, the rose garden is officially finished and hopefully they will actually live and grow up to be somebody!

Chuck worked SO hard on such a hot day to lay this out and get the stone set just right! I love stone, always wanted a stone wall and he has given me the next best thing. He bought a huge truckload of these great stones back when we first bought the house and has made me several flower beds from them.  These pictures aren't the best, but you get the general idea.  Hopefully when the roses take off again and are bursting with green leaves and blossoms, I will get some better pictures to show off.  You can sure see how dry and 'crunchy' our lawn is from the lack of rain! We've even got a couple of tress that are dying... :(

I sound pretty optimistic for someone with 2 brown thumbs, don't I??  But I insist that I should be able to grow roses since it seems that everyone and their brother has roses growing in their yard.  The garden is in direct line of my view to the horse pasture from the window by my computer.  It will sure be pretty WHEN it takes off and they grow nice and pretty.  The lady we bought them from pruned them a LOT....almost like they need to be pruned back about in February, at least in this part of the country. Ah, well. Time will tell.  We got 9 bushes for $60, which is a great deal and not so expensive that we would be out a whole lot if they don't make it.

For my Dixie update, I am SO happy to report that she is doing quite a bit better already!  She seems to be losing some weight on her "crash diet", which helps and she is also getting back to being her frisky self, so we know she is feeling better!  Yesterday, we let her out into the pasture with Susie and they ran and played and Dixie even kicked up her heels a bit!  I was elated!! The farrier will be here again Wednesday to trim her hooves again, which is great cuz they are sure growing fast with no shoes on, as well as her limited exercise.  But she's up to getting a bit more of that, now, from the looks of it and that will aid in the weight loss tremendously!

Southern Fried Yankee

The heat wave and dry spell continue, here in Arkansas.  All sorts of records are being broken as temps stay above 100 with heat index up to 115 most days.  In fact the days have turned to weeks and we have had no rain.  Everything is dry and crunchy...especially our lawn.  I have thrown away 1/2 of my plants because even after being watered twice daily, they are still dying.  It's really sad.  And everyday I light a candle and send up a prayer of thanks to the person that invented A/C!  LOL

Yesterday was a very fun day, in spite of the heat.  My dear friend, Victoria and I went to a nearby town to check out what was reputed to be an awesome quilt and yarn shop.  We left there, not only empty handed but very disappointed, as well.  It is unheard of for me to go to a fabric store and leave empty handed, but nothing inspired me.  I was mostly focused on checking out their yarn because nice yarn shops are far and few between in these parts, but I have more yarn just in my sewing room than they had in their entire shop!

The town we went to, Siloam Springs, is right on the Oklahoma border and about a 38 mile drive from Rogers.  It has some great older homes and fun little shops, so we did drive around and check them out.  Sure wish I had taken one of my cameras, but with yarn on the brain, I wasn't thinking about taking pictures.  It was very interesting to both of us {having both been raised hard core Catholics} to see that a couple of churches were being turned into homes!  We weren't even 'allowed' to enter a non-Catholic church, so the idea of living in a church, at first, made us both gasp!  But then, of course, we laughed at our silliness.  Times have sure changed!

All of our traipsing around the various Antique shops and such, did us both in, though.  V had knee surgery a few months before I had my back surgery and it bothers her to over-do it, as well.  I fared better with my shopping trips with Riley than I did yesterday, for some reason.  It was great fun, but we were wiped out and actually cut the day a bit shorter than originally planned.  The heat didn't help any!

As for my progress, my physical therapy ended about 3 weeks ago, and I must admit that I have not been doing my exercises as diligently as I should be and I need to work on that.  It's been almost 5 months and I'm pretty discouraged about the potential 'quality of life' that I will be left with.  BUT, he said that it would take a year, so I try to be patient.  I finally have my 6 month check up scheduled, for Sept 29th and I am SO anxious to go and see if I am healing properly and how things look on the inside, as well as to get the surgeons input on my progress.  Most days I try to make myself do more than I really feel up to doing, just because I feel that I NEED to.  Sometimes it works out okay and other times I am sorry.  I'm beginning to feel that that will always be the way it is.  I sure hope not, but I really don't know.  I can safely say that I am glad I had the surgery.  In spite of the ordeal, I am much better off the way I am now, as opposed to pre-surgery.  There is no question about that!  I do know that alot of what I am experiencing now, is due to nerve damage that took place during the surgery.  Not necessarily "damage", but simply the moving and repositioning of the nerves to accommodate the changes that took place in there.  That still affects my legs a great deal.  Bah.  Enough of that.

Chuck is outside building my rose garden bed.  Time to go supervise the planting :).  Pictures tomorrow and a Dixie update.  Stay tuned!!